Um sry fo ruinin our prfkt las nyt,
Um sry fo d way I bhaved…
D thot ov me makin u cry stil flashes infrnta ma eyez..
n 2 me itz mre dan a crime…

u med me cry 1ce,
u did it twice…
den u did it olmst evri nyt..
n lef me alone 2 die insyd…

bt ur tearz r mre precious dan myn,
n u tld me ‘baby itz tym..’
u no longer wuna b wimmi,
n dat itz ur tym 2 smyl n glee…

wish i kud b lyk u,
nt 2 cre bout it ol…
…oh boy onli if I kud sho u
dat ma luv fo u iz tru,
n il olwez b dea f o u…

bt um sry I kud neva mke u hapi,
sry dat i wasted ur tym…
jus dreamt ov sumtn elz bfo’
fo us 2 hav a hapi lyf…

Lost in thotz
drownin in a pool ov regretz
askin maslf if evritnz olwez guna b unset
or shud i jus leav it 2 d fate…

Millionz ov qstnz haunt me evri nyt
beggin gawd let dea b sum lyt
bt d moe i saw d les i blivd
rememberin d tnz dat got me deceived…

wen i luk in d mrror
I c a prsn I neva wannet 2 b
N d voicez insyd ma head
Remindz me ov d past dat iz gone n dead…

Y did I trst so ezily?
Y did I fo’gv?
Y did I chooze drug az a solution?
Y duz it hav 2 b me?
Y m I wshin 2 grasp d tym dat iz no longer hea?
Y knt d pain disappear?

Kudn gain netn in lyf
Xcpt d award of a junkie dat shynz so bright
Wuna cry ma eyez out n giv up d fight
N ask maslf agen if il eva c d daylyt…

neva had dis fyln growin insyd me bfo’..
az if evritn seemz prfct
duno u fo lng
bt it fylz lyk ur d 1..
d 1 dat gawd mde fo me…

evritn fylz lyk a fairytale,
a fairytale wea i cn c ur smyl thru d rainbow,
fyl ur touch evri sec wimmi..
walkin hand in hand 2geda..
n neva wuna stp…

dis iz a dream um livin in..
n i duno hw lng dis iz guna last
bt baby..onli if i kud stp tym,
id wan 2 b in ur armz, hold u tyt,
n neva let go..

neva wuna wake up frm dis dream..
frm dis beautiful dream wea v’l olweZ b 2geda..
n evn if i du,
evri mrnin wuna wake up in ur armz..
n b dea fo’eva..
til ma las breath,
dat i breathe fo u…

…so mayb i f8,argue n get u jlus off ov netn…i ain prfct..so wut? wut rili mataz r d endles midnyt cnversationz ova d fon v had..ol doz tym v lufd ova sumtn stupid…ol doz sngz dat remind us ov each otha..n evri sngle tym winter kumz baq around ..ur d 1 i mis d mst..n i so wsh v kud go baq 2 wut v wea..despite d dfrncez 2day,um stil madly in luv wid u… <3

Um nt sure y um wrytin dis..i went onlyn 2 luk up fo info’mation on suicide: statisticz,methodz n ol dat stuff..i wuz raised in a family whea I uzd 2 pray evriday n wuz tau8 d importance of gawd..a gawd dat duzn akchili exist…it duzn mata..it duzn hlp me…he wuz neva dea..I got hurt..rili bad..wen I wuz a child..i wuz hurt in a way dat no prsn or no lil child shud b hurt… I thnk bout suicyd on a daily basis..sumtymz itz ol I cn thnk bout..hw 2 end dis wasted lyf..been on medicationz 2 hlp d depression..d mental disorderz..n been kold a whore fo dat…um sik ov it ol..cnt tke dis pain n emptiness..y shud I evn bother tryin nemoe..? um nt evn afraid ov dyin..nt afraid ov d pain..i juz wan 2 end dis lyf..inorder 2 stay hapi..i kno iv olwez been a burden fo u..bt rili din mean 2 bthr u ppl..um rili sry..tryna fo’giv me..luv u ol so mch..guna mis u..bt gota du dis fo il b hapi in d end..il finalli b free…

Luv,
Priyanka Chowdhury
(Since 1992-2008)